#plus prom will be the end of senior year. so like im not seeing those people for very long.

[canislupusangelus]

I completely forgot that in sixth grade I(and all my friends) wore cat ears to school all the time. Honestly I'm proud of that. I think I should wear wolf ears to prom and it would really come full circle

[nikvs-blog]

pov rp: i try to wink at u but i close both eyes like jinsoul in this gif <3 SBJDWBDJWBDJ hello im xan im 22 & from the est timezone i use she / her pronouns & ur watching disney channel. is this super late ? yea...but thats super on brand for me its fine its fun its sexy so * jugkook vc* let’s get it !

— jung jinsoul. she/her. cis female. | was that niko seo i just saw in the hideaway lobby ? i hear the twenty-two year old spends most of their time working as a waitress, but i’ve always just seen them scribbling poetry on napkins. they live in 3A and i often see them in the halls. they always give me a vibe of making wishes on falling stars, silk ribbons adorning messy ponytails, and breakfast at midnight.

BACKSTORY

so miss niko was born in a teeny tiny suburban town in north carolina to a pair of  young high school sweethearts ! unfortunately her mom passed away during childbirth so it was a very bittersweet arrival into the world for baby niko

her dad was a mechanic who never made it to college since his girlfriend got pregnant towards the end of their senior year. they got married before niko was born though because they were pretty serious abt raising her right but they never really got the chance to /: but her dad loved his job he loved working with cars & it was something his own dad did before him plus it was a job the town really valued since it was so tiny ( u really only needed one of everything )

when i say tiny i mean everyone knows everyone tiny. growing up the town kinda pitied niko bc of her mom dying so to compensate everyone kinda tried to do their part in raising her ! her neighbors were just as much of a parent to her as her own dad was, and everyone had stories abt her mom so niko kinda appreciated how small the town was.....sometimes

that changed as she got older ! when she started high school her dad kinda entered a rough patch & started drinking more with his buddies, started working less, and niko started getting calls from the sheriff at 2 am like “hey we’re gonna keep ur dad for the night he didnt do anything crazy but he got a little too drunk u can pick him up tomorrow” sort of thing 

she was there for him every time but it got kinda overwhelming knowing everyone was in her family's business & how much kids would gossip at school or adults would give her sad looks

basically she kinda just....became very disillusioned with her reality & began to realize no one around her was really.....happy or had big dreams and their entire lives revolved around this tiny town which scared her

but also ? it had started becoming her life, too. she was voted prom queen senior year, she had a job at a diner where the same people ate everyday, she’d been dating the same boy for four years and everyone talked about how they’d probably get married soon. she’d become exactly like everyone else without even realizing it....she didnt have some big dream.....she didnt even have plans for college she was just so stuck

and then disaster hit the summer after she graduated high school. her dad had crashed right into a tree on a rainy night trying to drive home after a night out drinking & died on impact. the news honestly didnt feel real to her until her grandparents were helping her clear out her house so she could come move in with them 

which is when she finds her mom’s old diary ! and boy was that thing . fat & juicy ... it had all four years worth of her mom’s high school years inside and niko became ...obsessed with it. all she did that summer her dad died was read her mom’s old diary learning more abt the woman from those pages than she ever had from the mouths of everyone in her town

 thats how she found out her mom had always dreamed of moving to some city like seattle and starting this new life once she found out she was pregnant with niko ! so niko was like ok this has to be a sign....told her grandparents she loved them but she couldnt stay in north carolina.....and boop ! she pretty much disappeared from the town, didnt tie up any lose ends ( including her bf of four years who she was kinda engaged to ? JSDBJBDJ ) because she just had to leave that bad. 

cue a scene on bus with niko looking out the window as some dramatic song abt new beginnings plays . JSDBJSBDJW seattle was truly her new start at 18 ... and all she wanted to do was just ... reinvent herself 

so she did ! first thing she did was get a job as a waitress bc uh ur girl was BROKE broke but she knew she was good at serving. the first year was.....pretty rough there’s no sugar coating it niko was struggling bad, probably living in some questionable apartment when she wasnt coach hopping at her coworker’s places. despite all this she was....insanely happy she really believed ( and still does ) seattle is magic !

she was working at a diner ironically, just like she had been back home, but this diner changed her life about a two years ago. one day one of her regulars ( a very well off lawyer who worked downtown ) told her she was way too pretty and charming to be serving at a place like this & that he had a buddy who owned an upscale restaurant near his job downtown & that he could probably get niko a job there if she wanted

so she was like UH hell yes....showed up the next day at this fancy restaurant, charmed the pants off the owner, and the rest ? is history !  she moved into hideaways a bit after getting this new job & has been there ever since <3

PERSONALITY + TIDBITS

personality wise niko is kinda ....hard to figure out. she doesnt do it on purpose, she’s just still learning about who she is and what she really wants. back home in north carolina she was kind of the small town golden girl, loved by everyone type of deal but also very romanticized by those around her ??? ppl thought she was brilliant and knew so much about everything when the truth was she just knew a little about a lot. she would read to escape the suburban boredom of her reality & took a special interest in things like art and poetry and astronomy. shes the type to want to share the stuff she’s learned with those around her

in seattle since no one knew her the way they did back home, niko decided she wanted to keep it that way. because of this and because shes so hesitant to talk about her family sometimes she can come across as mysterious but she’s a surprisingly open person !! she’s naturally super curious and friendly and she’s found it really helps to be the kind of person people want to get to know and trust when working in the service industry. she’s got the type of aura about her that makes you feel as if maybe you’ve known her forever, even if she’s only told you one thing about herself ( which is often the case) . can probably make anyone feel at home within five minutes of talking to her & you won’t even realize how she’s doing it. her boss swears she’s charming enough to sell honey to a bee ! 

she’s also got a flighty side though that comes out when you get too close. niko’s great at relationships when they aren’t deep, but the moment you start and figure her out and see past the smiley walls she’s got up she recoils fast. in a way she’s terrified of anyone knowing too much about her because she’s scared that once they do they’ll pity her, and niko can’t stand being pitied. she’s also super good at dishing out affection but not so good at receiving it. the type to fall in love then right back out of love in one day. kinda a heart breaker bc of this but she doesn't mean to be, she just gets infatuated kinda easily & isn’t very good at keeping things serious ever since literally running away from her long-time ex in north carolina JSBCSJBDJW 

some fun facts: she wants to get a cat and name it cat so bad but she’s not sure she’d be a good pet mom so she just settles for petting stray cats in public. 100% that weirdo crouching in the street making kissy noises because she saw a cat and wants to pet it. she can name just about every constellation & loves to sit outside and look at the stars on clear nights, usually while smoking a joint . she’s a hardcore lightweight .... im talking one tequila shot and she’s floored ... two glasses of wine and she’s taking her top off  then crying kinda deal like she CANNOT handle her liquor so she tries to keep partying to a minimum. she’s got a collection of napkins from work were people have scribbled their phone numbers onto as well as a collection of napkins niko herself has scribbled on. she mostly writes poems and sometimes she even leaves a napkin with a poem on it behind at a table like a little gift for whoever sits there next. she’s probably always writing poems for all her friends or infatuations so if you’re in her life....you’ve gotten one at some point ! 

the only thing she brought with her from north carolina were all her records. she’s got a pretty extensive collection that ranges from donna summer to louis armstrong to led zeppelin & when she finally got a record player of her own in seattle it was probably the best day of her life <3 she really likes to watch scary movies but also they scare her so bad so it’s a cycle of oh yes lets watch this.....fuck why did i do that.....im sleeping with the lights on rinse & repeat. she really likes to cook ! she learned at a pretty early age out of necessity but now she does it for her own pleasure also because of her growing interest / knowledge in the restaurant industry. her wardrobe is 95% thrifted and 5% stolen from miscellaneous people ( her dad, old boyfriends, hookups, friends, etc. ) is a notorious hoodie thief so dont lend her yours......

and this is WAY too long im.....so sorry this literally always happens aha <3 yes i ramble but thats bc . i have a lot to say and i also have a lot of love to give ! spare some plots ? we can im on tumblr but i am 100% easier to reach on discord  @ EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172 so hit me up there & lets get this show on the road baby ! 

[divinedeities44]

Dream girl

Im going to have to put a trigger warning on this post. And let me add that God made it clear to me to use names in these stories because I am guided, I have nothing to lose, I have nothing to fear outside of myself and because I was told to make this blog to be raw and real. I also think its important for us to be honest about our experiences with others so we can learn, grow and heal from them. I am in no way trying to throw anyone under the bus, and a person who may have been toxic for me can be a blessing for another. And my shadow self would like to add the fact that I also don’t give a fuck. Shall we? 

The first 2 years of highshool were super normal. I had friends. No one bullied me. Thanks to Con high being very diverse. I feel like no one was really judged there because we had the full spectrum of people. They really knew what they were doing when they picked us. I had a friend named Imani. Due to my childhood, I had the super need to fit in and because I was still a kid, of course I didnt know boundaries or red flags. During the first 2 years, our friendship was pretty fun. But even in this moment, Im realizing we had absolutely nothing in common. I wasnt really into dating, plus I was into girls at the time, and she was the fast girl. You know the 15 year old who dated men in their 40s? I think we all knew this type of girl. Im not going to get too much into our friendship it was very basic and surface, we got high together, had sleepovers.. normal teenage girl shit. To this day I call Imani my dream girl because shes always been in my dreams A LOT! Especially in the last 2 years. As I developed my relationship with the higher realms, I asked why I she always in my dreams? She represents my inner child because a big part of kid me was morphed in experiencing her. 

I remember this day like it was yesterday. It was memorial day weekend soph hop. In the middle of the celebration, I broke out in hives and an ambulance had to be called to take me to the hospital. The doctors told me I was allergic to something I ate, but I have never had that kind of reaction to food or anything else even to this day. Imanis uncle, Bear, catered  the event. He is someone I was familiar with because Imani and I had been friends for 2 years. I was only in the hospital for a few hours before I was allowed to go home. It being memorial day weekend, we had planned to party. So I woke up, called her, and told her I was on my way to her. Whats an allergic reaction to a party when your fucking 15? lol I told my dad I would be staying at her house during the course of the weekend. My dad was thinking I would be under supervision of her mother, but I was really under supervision of myself. We were drinking and partying with her 30 year old sister, her 30 something year old uncle, and her 40 year old boyfriend. You see where this is going? Im not going to beat around any bushes here. We got super drunk and by the end of the night I ended up passed out on the floor. This grown man was penetrating me, and I woke up in the middle of it. I I look over, and I can clearly see everybody there watching. When they saw I was waking up, Imani and her boyfriend had me face down, each of them holding  one of my ankles, pulling me up the steps. I fell asleep there and when I woke up, I didnt know if I had dreamt it all or what. But my body told me it was real. The following Tuesday, when we were back at school, this girl acted like I made the whole thing up! That was the end of our friendship. And because we had the same friends, those friends stopped being friends with me. So I was alone trying to put the pieces together. The same guy catered our 11th grade dance and senior prom, and that is the reason I stopped attending school events.

When we came back to school in the fall, I was a loner. And I was proud of it too. I started smoking cigarettes and drinking more often. This is where my unhealthy relationship with substances and my hypersexuality started. Its like I started chasing feeling good to get the parts of me back that I had lost that night and after.I barely came to school and when I did, I did nothing. I had no enthusiasm for school any more. Except English because I loved writing and the poetry team. Writing has always been my preferred method to everything. Senior year I wanted to drop out because I was 18, and didnt need my parents approval. But me and our dean have a really great relationship, so she didnt let me. Instead of going to graduation, I went to the school to pick up my diploma and went home. When I turned maybe 20, Bear the caterer, wrote me on facebook apologizing for what happened that night. I went years thinking I had just imagined it all. But I had finally gotten my AHA moment, although by then, it wasnt worth much.

Ive said this on earlier post, but Im not posting this for an emotional response. Im posting the stories of my trauma, so that you can fully grasp the light that is going to come in once I get you all up to current times. The traumatic moments in our lives play HUGE parts in our self exploration. Trauma is what changes you, trauma is what determines how you proceed. We dont know this early in our lives, so we jump from traumatic experience to traumatic experience until we catch on. Some people never realize that this is how it works. We are here to examine the deep dark parts of ourselves, so our lives can become more fulfilling. We are literally born to experience hard things, so we can become the best version of ourselves. Is it worth it? Stay tuned to find out!

[atltheshow]

Okay

So, I have an Instagram by this same name that I use to vent to my friends, but it's gotten too close plus they know too many people. Imma keep it anonymous obviously just in case but here we go

This is really for me to just document my summer this year bc I'm literally strung out on caffeine and painkillers at all times

So a few things you need to know: I have a chronic connective tissue disorder which is the scary way of saying I have ligamental laxity. My joints don't stay together. As I type this my ankle is out. Anyone, I had a surgery 6/26/15, aka the day gay marriage was legalized in the US. Another important thing, I am bisexual with almost an even split. I stopped taking highschool classes after my sophomore year and have taken them at my local community college instead. This is because I'm big depressed and big anxious so I couldn't do school. I work at my CC as a math tutor for ever math below Calc I, including developmental. I want to be a orthopedic surgeon and am going for a duel bachelor's in petroleum and mine engineering as premed. I have an older and younger brother, both of which I adore but get on my nerves too much. My older brother went to an in state university for his freshman year, decided he wasn't ready for the move, and is coming to the same CC as me, as a year below me, his high school senior sister. My young brother just finished his first year in traditional high school, at a different high school than I went to. He's a competitive gymnast. My father works out of town and my mom stays at home. I cannot drive yet, but as of today I am eligible to get my license. I am largely into the robotics Program in our county, where I was second in command as of last season, was second lead of programming, safety assist, scouting assist and head fabrication. I truly love robotics. I also golf, and love watching it, yes I am upset about Woodland okay.

So here's where we introduce my few main groups of friends:

Robotics friends

School friends

SPS friends (my middle school friends)

Friends ;)

So some of these overlap, majority of those in it don't.

Robotics:

My absolute best friend, who we will call Syrup is was on my robotics team, she's a year older and aged out. We met my freshman year of highschool. She's amazing and I love he's so dearly.

Cross, literally the male version of me. He's dating Syrup. He was first in command of the team this year. Also aged out. Him and syrup broke up for a few months and it was weird for the friend group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I also love and adore him.

Heat is one of my oldest physically. She was a mentor on the team but me and my brother ended up getting really really close with her. She's super thoughtful and sincere. She's in school to be a clinical counselor.

Pooky is old as well. He's a redneck. He is also Hispanic. He mentors and I got really close to him after me and Cross basically annoyed him into going to dinner with us after a robotics meeting one summer. Now he's by far one of my favorite people. Also asked out heat when they were seniors in high school.

Dementia is the oldest physically. He was honestly a fluke. One of pookys friends that he asked to come by one day and we all ended up liking him. He was on the team and already knew Heat, Cross, and pooky. We convinced him to come to dinner with us the same day we convinced pooky. He's honestly the funniest person I know. He works as an engineer at the local forklift company.

Button-lives an hour and a half away but is going to college another 4 hours away. Met through my brother but then we became really good friends. I call him button bc he gave me one of his buttons from robotics and it was the nicest thing ever. He also stayed up with my during Ramadan at 5 in the morning when I couldn't sleep in pain. He knew I was hurting and he sacrificed what little sleep he could have for me and I am forever grateful and I don't think he realizes. One time he drove down to see me and it still makes my heart warm. He's someone I would have shot my shot a long time ago if we weren't an hour and a half away and drastically different religions.

Shea- named after his dog bc I know he'd love that. I know how weird it sounds but I'm in love. I would marry him tomorrow if he asked. He's predental at our towns uni, and honors. He was first in command of our team last year. He mentored scouting this year :).

Small robotics characters

jamin- was really close with him for two years, then he went to college and fratted, now works two hours away. I love him and miss him

Jew-not really Jewish. Very sweet. Very handsome. Very funny

Lampshade- little Bros best friend. Athletic and smart. Good child.

Weeny-had a crush on his, honestly super sweet and just a great personality. 12/10 pure.

Noodle- dated syrup then had a FWB thing with me. Broke it off after a dumb joke gone wrong. Still miss him tbh.

Eggroll- Shea's best friend. About to be a junior in college. Hits me up for nudes. Super energetic.

School friends

I have three. FOUR

Harvard- he earned the name. Smart and determined boy. I met him in middle school. Absolute softy and I love it. Super athletic. We have the type of friendship where we listen to each other super well but have no idea what's happening. He'll talk about baseball to me and I talk about robotics to him. Do either of us absorb it? No. Do we still listen? Yes.

Dorks- changed his last name a bit but it fits. Became bff's in art history. Sold him drugs once. Minnesotan. We're starting a podcast together. Literally super chill as a friend

Cow- sounds so mean to call her that but it's her favorite animal. She's special needs but I still don't know how. She's a real G. There through everything.

Jazz- tall lanky. Sweet. Plays jazz. I miss him. Was gonna go to prom with him then didn't. Oh well. Button helped me through that mess as well.

Sps

Confused- theater kid. That's all

Dragon- strange, doesn't like touch. Goes to Catholic hs

Draw-art who programs too. Goes to special math school 2 hours away. DM

I have a dnd campaign going with them so I probably couldve used their character names bc even if they found this blog they'd just be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Friends ;)

Boy oh boy. Most of these overlap tbh. Noodle boy, lampshade and Eggroll belong here

Callaway- never actually met in person. We talk about golf and send nudes. Ideal person tbh.

Neck- am a year older. Mentored his Lego robotics team. Asks for nudes daily. Occasionally gets them.

Step-was my old neighbor. Homeschooled until 7th grade. Very very large. Kinda scary tbh. Send occasionally, dislocated my ankle sucking his dick once

Titan- named after his truck, which I lost my virginity in. We have. An interesting relationship. Met him through a friend not mentioned. He hit on me, we talked, it wasn't gonna work as bf/gf but it would as fwb bc they're was mutual attraction on that end. The first time we met in person I gave him a handjob. December 2018 he told me he needed a break bc his mental health was failing, okay whatever. Comes back around March, do stuff quite often. The other day though, we just got done, and he told me he needed another break bc all he did was run to me for sex when he was sad. Totally cool but he also removed me from stuff so he wouldn't be tempted. Kinda sucks and im honestly a little hurt bc then the friendship is gone too but honestly it's probably for good. He will come back.

Anyway it's late and me and Harvard are both sad so gn, posts soon to come.